Officials at MELVIN magazine threw open the doors today to a new web site offering virtual freedom to any and all political refugees possessing a phone, a computer and a valid checking account. Featuring images of babbling brooks, bustling city streets and hot, happening night life, the MELVIN Asylum is aimed primarily at the large, affluent community of Chinese dissidents created during the student uprising of 1989. Other political prisoners are welcome, however. "We initially targeted the Chinese community because so many had already used computers to help organize their protest," MELVIN General Manager Christopher Klanac stated. "But the asylum is open to any fugitive or prisoner able to pay the price of admission."
According to Klanac, the MELVIN Asylum is designed to offer oppressed freedom fighters a relaxing and lighthearted escape from the rigors of physical and psychological torture. Browsers are invited to visit any time of the day, and are free to stay as long as they like, or, at $2.99 per minute, until they run out of cash. "The hallmark of the MELVIN Asylum is choice. Visitors can choose to tarry in our electronic gambling halls or they can chose to patronize our erotic message parlors and strip clubs. They can even chose to keep up to date on current events with MELVIN's round-the-clock news coverage," Klanac stated. "Choice is pretty important to a person who has to ask permission to pee."
One of the most popular "rooms" is Chez Melvin, a four-star gourmet restaurant featuring the kind of fancy French cuisine political prisoners might be enjoying if they hadn't been so dead-set on defying the existing puppet regimes back home. Modeled after Maxim's in Paris, Chez Melvin features images of attractive MELVIN staffers and their dates laughing, eating and sharing stories before heading home for an evening of intimate fun. Viewers are allowed to chose from a number of interactive options, including 1) periodically coughing, 2) begging for food, 3) asking to be excused, and 4) picking up the check.
Despite the limited level of interactivity available, the MELVIN asylum is showing signs of being a strong success among the dissident and ex-patriate community. Applications for membership are arriving faster than they can be processed, and MELVIN's corporate bank accounts are bursting with freshly-cashed Amnesty International checks. General Manager Klanac, for one, is unsurprised by the sudden success. "Every human longs for freedom. You could even say they demand it," Klanac chuckled. "Simple economic theory tells us that anyone who can supply that demand can look forward to raking in some big-time bucks."
Currently, most applications are arriving from the Far East, with Central and South America running a close second, a fact that is surprising to most on the MELVIN sales staff. "We knew that our Virtual Bangkok would pull in the Asian demographic, but the interest from Central America has come as a shock," Klanac stated. "After all, as all Americans know, except for Cubans, the vast majority of so-called South American political refugees are actually fleeing economic hardship and not oppression."
The MELVIN Asylum is currently open for business at http://www.melvin.com/asylum.